Is there anything scarier than starting a new job? First day jitters, finding your feet, and gently settling in are the kind of onboarding vibes you’d expect in your brand new role. But for some, it’s not such plain sailing. So with Halloween just around the corner, we decided to spook ourselves with some first-day-on-the-job horror stories. Prepare yourself for some ghoulishly good tales; if you’re brave enough!

What’s your name?

“I have an Irish name, spelt the Gaelic way, so it can always be a bit tricky when people first hear it or read it. On the first day of my new job, no one could pronounce my name properly. I spent the whole day repeating and correcting people, but I was too frustrated and a little embarrassed by day two, so I gave up. Six months later, and still, no one has said it correctly.”

Passport Control

“The first day of an exciting new job and I arrived at the office early, complete with passport in hand as had been requested by HR. Within minutes HR informed me that because my passport was still in my maiden name (I was newly married and all my paperwork was in my married name), I wasn’t legally allowed in the building. They then proceeded to escort me off the premises and sent me home to get my marriage certificate (which I’d filed away so safely that I couldn’t find it!). Four hours later, I eventually arrived back at the office with my marriage certificate in hand, ready to restart my first day!”

It’s only temporary

“As a student, I’d signed on at a temp agency and was advised that they needed someone ASAP for a telemarketing role that involved going through lots of new data. The job started on Monday, and, as the conscientious student I was, I got up early on Monday and started the long walk into the office (as I don’t drive). Halfway through my journey, I received a call to say “sorry, the data isn’t ready, please can you be with us at 9 am sharp tomorrow?” I kindly agreed and turned up the next day only to be left waiting for 45 minutes because the so-called ‘urgent’ work still wasn’t ready. It might not sound so bad, but I’d turned down a week’s work elsewhere. Needless to say, I didn’t last long there!”

Training Day

“As part of my role, I am responsible for training people, including employees. One specific new starter spent our entire time together interrupting most of my instructions with completely unrelated questions. It’s a job where you need to concentrate as it’s not the most straightforward.  A few hours into the day, I looked across to see them put their fingers to their temples, close their eyes, and rock back and forth whilst proclaiming, “this is soooo confusing”. And they’re still not the worst person I’ve ever had to train!”

Tatts enough

“First day in a new job and I started it off with a lie about the trains running late because I needed to go run past my new office to the Tesco across the road. Why? So that I could buy a cardi to hide my arms that are covered in tattoos. And why did I not think to bring one in the first place, you might ask? I had, but it belonged to my preschooler!”

Blue Monday

“My first job out of uni I joined a pretty big telecoms company in Basingstoke. By 11 am they announced to about 200 people that they were going into administration – completely out of the blue. Unsurprisingly, there were a lot of unhappy and upset people around me. I was politely asked to go home as the job I’d turned up for was no longer available. In all honesty, I didn’t actually know what administration was at the time but soon figured they had gone out of business.”

What a mug

“Before my first day, my (then) employer sent me a welcome pack complete with a lovely note and coffee mug. Which seemed like a really lovely touch until I realised someone had already used the mug before they sent it!”

Considered onboarding really does help to reduce the fear factor, as well as make you look good! Did you know that great employee onboarding can actually improve employee retention by a staggering 82%? So why not kick things off with a Swagpack™, full of treats and useful items to settle them in! First impressions really do count.